Her Mind Spring 2012 : Page 70

70 ON FAMILY PET THERAPY WHAT A PET CAN TEACH US ABOUT LOVE – AND LOSS STORY BY Heather Kirk-Davido ILLUSTRATION BY Paige Vickers hen I saw my neighbor this past week, I noticed he looked a bit upset. “Have you heard about Rex?” he asked. I searched my memory — was that the name of someone on the block? Had someone died? Turns out it was my neighbor’s son’s lizard whom I had indeed met. Rex had visited school, met a turtle and got a bit too intimate. He came home with some kind of virus, caught pneumonia and was dead by the end of the week. “They say it’s supposed to be good for kids to lose a pet,” my neighbor sni ed. “It’s supposed to introduce them to loss and grief in a gentle way. But if we’re all this broken up about a lizard I can’t imagine what it’s going to be like to lose our dog.” I could empathize. Over the past two years we’ve lost two cats to kidney failure. These cats had been with us for longer than our kids have been and the end game was agonizing. We saw them lose weight, lose energy and slowly lose their ability to jump, then run, then walk. We alternated between wishing there was something we could do to prolong their lives and wondering if we should just put them out of their misery. I found out the rst one had died when I came home from work to nd its sti body on the co ee table in the living room with a print-out of an article from Ask.com on “How to bury a dead cat.” That was the work of one of my sons who had discovered the cat when he came home from school. Practice, I guess, for other losses he’ll experience? When in doubt, Google it. I was always the animal lover in the family — my husband begrudgingly let me get the cats a er a friend convinced him that pets prepare you for becoming a parent. (You’ve heard that argument? Start with W houseplants and see if they survive. If they do, get a pet and see if it survives. Then and only then, consider children.) But in the end, it was Dan who dug the grave for the cat (following the instructions from Ask.com) and then solemnly stood at the side of the grave with his head bowed. I was astonished — I’m the minister in the family, a er all. “Did you say a few words?” I asked him later. “Yes I did,” he admitted a bit sheepishly. Practice, I guess, for other losses still to come. It was Dan who insisted that we have a period of mourning before we brought any new pets into the house. At rst I thought this was sensitive of him — another way of teaching our kids how to grieve. A er six months, I realized that Dan was actually stalling, hoping that we would eventually forget to get a new cat. But winter was coming on and I felt an acute need for something warm and furry in the house. With the promise to get only one cat, the kids and I headed o to Small Miracles Animal Rescue in Ellicott City. Small Miracles is located in a small building lled with an amazing or horrifying number of cats, depending on your perspective. This no-kill shelter has rescued adult cats and kittens of every color, shape and size. There were cats without tails and cats missing their ears and cats that needed special diets. The kids loved the Maine Coon mix but the Small Miracles sta person told us she would have to be groomed by a vet every month. I was looking for a lower maintenance (and lower cost) pet so I vetoed the Coon. The Small Miracles sta person misread my reluctance as cold feet. She stepped back, put her hands on her hips and looked me up and down. “I’m not sure I’m feeling comfortable,” she announced. “I need everyone in the family to be on board before I’m willing to go forward with an adoption.” I was astonished. There were over a hundred rescued cats in the shelter crawling over every surface of every room. Were they seriously going to refuse to sell us one? I told the sta person we were extremely serious about wanting a cat and that I would do whatever I could to prove that to her. She relented and we quickly settled on a small black female who had been found pregnant in Baltimore. We named her Snoop a er one of our favorite characters in “The Wire” who was also at home on the streets of Baltimore. Snoop has been home with us for several months now, and despite her tendency to claw the drapes, we love her with all our hearts. Even Dan has been caught complementing her on her extraordinarily loud purr. It turns out that pets can also help us practice another life skill — opening our hearts to something new and loving it. Even when we know we may end up losing what we love. Heather Kirk-Davido is the Enabling Minister of the Kittamaqundi Community Church in Columbia. She and her husband Dan are the parents of three biological children and an adult foster daughter. * WOMAN TO WOMAN I SPRING 2012

PET THERAPY

Heather Kirk-Davido

WHAT A PET CAN TEACH US ABOUT LOVE – AND LOSS When I saw my neighbor this past week, I noticed he looked a bit upset. “Have you heard about Rex?” he asked. I searched my memory — was that the name of someone on the block? Had someone died? Turns out it was my neighbor’s son’s lizard whom I had indeed met. Rex had visited school, met a turtle and got a bit too intimate. He came home with some kind of virus, caught pneumonia and was dead by the end of the week. “They say it’s supposed to be good for kids to lose a pet,” my neighbor sniffed. “It’s supposed to introduce them to loss and grief in a gentle way. But if we’re all this broken up about a lizard I can’t imagine what it’s going to be like to lose our dog.” I could empathize. Over the past two years we’ve lost two cats to kidney failure. These cats had been with us for longer than our kids have been and the end game was agonizing. We saw them lose weight, lose energy and slowly lose their ability to jump, then run, then walk. We alternated between wishing there was something we could do to prolong their lives and wondering if we should just put them out of their misery. I found out the first one had died when I came home from work to find its stiff body on the coffee table in the living room with a print-out of an article from Ask.com on “How to bury a dead cat.” That was the work of one of my sons who had discovered the cat when he came home from school. Practice, I guess, for other losses he’ll experience? When in doubt, Google it. I was always the animal lover in the family — my husband begrudgingly let me get the cats after a friend convinced him that pets prepare you for becoming a parent. (You’ve heard that argument? Start with houseplants and see if they survive. If they do, get a pet and see if it survives. Then and only then, consider children.) But in the end, it was Dan who dug the grave for the cat (following the instructions from Ask.com) and then solemnly stood at the side of the grave with his head bowed. I was astonished — I’m the minister in the family, after all. “Did you say a few words?” I asked him later. “Yes I did,” he admitted a bit sheepishly. Practice, I guess, for other losses still to come. It was Dan who insisted that we have a period of mourning before we brought any new pets into the house. At first I thought this was sensitive of him — another way of teaching our kids how to grieve. After six months, I realized that Dan was actually stalling, hoping that we would eventually forget to get a new cat. But winter was coming on and I felt an acute need for something warm and furry in the house. With the promise to get only one cat, the kids and I headed off to Small Miracles Animal Rescue in Ellicott City. Small Miracles is located in a small building filled with an amazing or horrifying number of cats, depending on your perspective. This no-kill shelter has rescued adult cats and kittens of every color, shape and size. There were cats without tails and cats missing their ears and cats that needed special diets. The kids loved the Maine Coon mix but the Small Miracles staff person told us she would have to be groomed by a vet every month. I was looking for a lower maintenance (and lower cost) pet so I vetoed the Coon. The Small Miracles staff person misread my reluctance as cold feet. She stepped back, put her hands on her hips and looked me up and down. “I’m not sure I’m feeling comfortable,” she announced. “I need everyone in the family to be on board before I’m willing to go forward with an adoption.” I was astonished. There were over a hundred rescued cats in the shelter crawling over every surface of every room. Were they seriously going to refuse to sell us one? I told the staff person we were extremely serious about wanting a cat and that I would do whatever I could to prove that to her. She relented and we quickly settled on a small black female who had been found pregnant in Baltimore. We named her Snoop after one of our favorite characters in “The Wire” who was also at home on the streets of Baltimore. Snoop has been home with us for several months now, and despite her tendency to claw the drapes, we love her with all our hearts. Even Dan has been caught complementing her on her extraordinarily loud purr. It turns out that pets can also help us practice another life skill — opening our hearts to something new and loving it. Even when we know we may end up losing what we love.

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